BERN AFTER READING

Newby.

2010-09-10T12:48:00.001-07:00

Check it out: http://bernmatthews.tumblr.com/

Angry otter.

2010-09-02T09:09:00.001-07:00

Well, wouldn't you be upset if you were weighed in a box of hay?

Costco? More like Costno.

2010-08-24T16:21:00.000-07:00

Boyfriend, upon noticing me attempt to weasel my way out of a Costco trip: "wah wah wah, i'm bernadette and i want to go to Whole Foods, and make my hipster boyfriend carry my rare fruits and herbs."

New art!

2010-08-10T15:36:00.000-07:00

Really loving art by Argentine Hernan Paganini ... discovered on For Me, For You.

Good advice.

2010-08-04T16:48:00.000-07:00

Remember when you go into the world to keep your eyes and ears wide open. and be kind. love one another. take care of each other. tell the truth. always do your best. listen to the big people and the little people. explore new paths & have fun. know that you are loved like crazy. give thanks for all your blessings. above all else, love and you will do wonderful things in this world.

Image: _acido

Why it's good to have an Ally in your life

2010-07-15T14:45:00.000-07:00

Ally: i really dont think we should be using phrases like "i'm just scared " at our age

And that's why we're together.

2010-06-30T17:34:00.001-07:00

me: i dont think i should have wrapped that pickle in that sandwich

boyfriend: that's what she said

Breakfast of Champions

2010-06-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

This morning, as I hurriedly reached for a 2-week old half bagel in the fridge, my hand brushed up against a Del Taco Chicken Soft Taco that had been hiding there since Monday night. I generally like to save one taco for breakfast the next morning, but alas, I had forgotten about this little guy! I excitedly tore into it, but then poked my head around the kitchen wall to see that one of my roommates had fallen asleep on the couch. Not wanting to be shamed by evidence of eating a 4-day old cold taco, I walked outside and stood by our front door to eat my taco. All the while, slowly poking my head out of our front door nook to make sure no one would pass by at 8:51 am to see me.

I then walked to the back parking lot where I continued to eat this taco by my car. I then realized I had forgotten something inside my house. At this point, I was halfway through with my taco. I was not feeling so great about it. I placed it on the ground for Isaac, the neighbor cat. He sniffed and looked up at me, as if to say, "Why would I want to eat something like this?!" and walked away.

I went inside, took one bite of the half bagel, threw it away as its coldness and hardness did not resonate well with the half taco in my tummy. I sighed, walked outside, and went to Starbucks.

The coffee that changed my life.

2010-06-08T18:09:00.001-07:00

For two years, I've been trying to get someone to trek over to La Mill Coffee in Silverlake with me to try the "Coffee and a Jelly Donut" - Strawberry essence layered with donut-infused milk and topped with espresso. For some reason, I didn't have any luck convincing my friends. Until this weekend.

Darling Janelle and Tremendous Tyler accompanied me on this journey of a lifetime. I was so overwhelmed by the beauty of La Mill that for a minute I was confused enough to consider ordering an iced coffee (it was a warm day). But luckily, those two convinced me to accomplish my dream. And a dream it was.

It arrived served on a tall lucite cylinder, a shotglass! I had my mind set on a big cozy mug full of espresso and donut. My American serving-size idealism was wrong. A tiny shotglass it was, with incredible layers of jelly, milk, espresso and crema. I wondered at the beauty of it before I took my first sip. What a mouthful! Extraordinary espresso and strawberry jelly! And definitely not too rich. I mean, I would not have wanted a giant mug of it, the serving size was perfect. It was the most perfect balance of strong espresso and sweet strawberry.

I am complete. Thank you, La Mill, thank you Janelle and Tyler, thank you.

Words of wisdom from a Polish mother

2010-06-07T09:20:00.000-07:00

"If someone's been burned, he even blows on cold." (said in a thick accent)

Then, after telling her my performance review at work had been moved to tomorrow, her reply: "Well, that just gives me more time to pray for you."

Photography quotes.

2010-06-04T11:27:00.000-07:00

"The unconscious obsession that we photographers have is that wherever we go we want to find the theme that we carry inside ourselves."

—Graciela Iturbide

"We photographers deal in things which are continually vanishing, and when they have vanished, there is no contrivance on earth which can make them come back again. We cannot develop and print a memory."

-Henri Cartier Bresson

Borders, Thursday night at 9:37 pm

2010-05-27T22:28:00.000-07:00

Who is the very last person I would ever want to see while perusing the "What to expect when you're expecting" section of the bookstore? (I am planning a coworker's babyshower, by the way.) Your ultra-ultra conservative, Saudi Arabian bible study partner from 6 years ago. Never have I ever done a 180 spin faster and more obviously.

Now, onto the other highlights spotted tonight:

Honest Abe.

2010-05-27T14:52:00.000-07:00

Via ShopTalk

I must study politics.

2010-05-19T14:42:00.000-07:00

"I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history, naval architecture, navigation, commerce, and agriculture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelain."

- John Adams

Buy-Nothing Week

2010-05-11T10:11:00.000-07:00

It is Day 2 of my self-imposed "Buy Nothing Week." Things that I am permitted to buy: gasoline and things that will advance me professionally (such as a manicure ... right? please?)

No eating out, no drinks, no purchased coffee (worst!) and no random Target trips, that gigantic, wonderful money-sucker.

Things I need to far:
- a lip balm, as I lost mine.

Day 1 was very successful. No real urges. I was, however, coerced into buying lunch for the boy, as he forgot his credit card at home. So, that doesn't count. A coworker bought me a coffee yesterday (without my asking!), and today is free coffee day at Coffee Bean, so I'm in luck so far.

Fingers-crossed.

A Message to Arizona from Desmond Tutu...

2010-04-30T14:40:00.001-07:00

"I am saddened today at the prospect of a young Hispanic immigrant in Arizona going to the grocery store and forgetting to bring her passport and immigration documents with her. I cannot be dispassionate about the fact that the very act of her being in the grocery store will soon be a crime in the state she lives in. Or that, should a policeman hear her accent and form a "reasonable suspicion" that she is an illegal immigrant, she can -- and will -- be taken into custody until someone sorts it out, while her children are at home waiting for their dinner.

Equally disturbing is what will happen in the mind of the policeman. The police talk today about how they do not wish to, and will not, engage in racial profiling. Yet faced with the option of using common sense and compassion, or harassing a person who has done nothing wrong, a particularly sinister aspect of Arizona's new immigration law will be hanging over his head. He can be personally sued, by anyone, for failing to enforce this inhumane new act.

I recognize that Arizona has become a widening entry point for illegal immigration from the South. The wave has brought with it rising violence and drug smuggling.

But a solution that degrades innocent people, or that makes anyone with broken English a suspect, is not a solution. A solution that fails to distinguish between a young child coming over the border in search of his mother and a drug smuggler is not a solution.

I am not speaking from an ivory tower. I lived in the South Africa that has now thankfully faded into history, where a black man or woman could be grabbed off the street and thrown in jail for not having his or her documents on their person.

How far can this go? We lived it -- police waking a man up in the middle of the night and hauling him off to jail for not having his documents on his person while he slept. The fact that they were in his nightstand near the bed was not good enough.

Of course if you suggested such a possibility today to an Arizona policeman he would be adamant that he would never do such a thing. And I would believe him. Arizona is a long way from apartheid South Africa.

The problem is, under the new law, the one or two who would do it are legitimized. All they have to say is that they believed that illegal immigrants were being harbored in the house. They would be protected and sanctioned by this law.

Abominations such as apartheid do not start with an entire population suddenly becoming inhumane. They start here. They start with generalizing unwanted characteristics across an entire segment of a population. They start with trying to solve a problem by asserting superior force over a population. They start with stripping people of rights and dignity - such as the right to be presumed innocent until proven guilty - that you yourself enjoy. Not because it is right, but because you can. And because somehow, you think this is going to solve a problem.

However, when you strip a man or a woman of their basic human rights, you strip them of their dignity in the eyes of their family and their community, and even in their own eyes. An immigrant who is charged with the crime of trespassing for simply being in a community without his papers on him is being told he is committing a crime by simply being. He or she feels degraded and feels they are of less worth than others of a different color skin. These are the seeds of resentment, hostilities and in extreme cases, conflict.

Such "solutions" solve nothing. As already pointed out, even by people on the police force, Arizona's new laws will split the communities, make it less likely that people in the immigrant communities will work with the police. They will create conditions favorable to the very criminals these laws are trying to disarm.

The Latinos in Arizona have not come to Arizona because they want to live in communities wracked with violence and crime. I would guess that the most recent arrivals have fled their border towns and the growing violence there as drug lords tightened their control of the communities. They want to live and raise their children in peace, just as you or I do.

I am certain that, given the chance, the leaders of the Latino immigrant communities in Arizona would enthusiastically work with the state to find constructive solutions to these problems. I am very sure that they would like, as much as others, to rid Arizona of the drug smugglers, human traffickers and other criminal elements infiltrating their communities.

We can only hope that this law will be thrown out of the courts in short order. I do not disagree with the calls to boycott the businesses in the state until it is turned around.

In the meantime, it has opened the door to some smart state leaders sitting down with the leaders of the Latino communities in Arizona and hammering out some solutions that actually work. Hopefully these solutions would recognize the difference between a drug smuggler and a man willing to stand outside a gas station in the hot sun for hours in the hopes that someone will give him some work for the day.

The problem of migrating populations is not going to go away any time soon. If anyone should know this, it should be Americans, many of whom landed here themselves to escape persecution, famine or conflict. With the eyes of the world now on them, Arizona has the opportunity to create a new model for dealing with the pitfalls, and help the nation as a whole find its way through the problems of illegal immigration. But to work, it must be a model that is based on a deep respect for the essential human rights Americans themselves have grown up enjoying."

- Desmond Tutu
Nobel Prize Winner 1984

Article
Image

Just got to thinking ...

2010-04-22T16:07:00.000-07:00

...how different my life would be had I been in an AmeriCorps program I loved! Right now, I could be helping plan corporate group builds with Habitat, or working on program development at a women's shelter.

I love where I am now. It's just a little scary to think what I would/would not have had I stayed with the program. Might not be living with my best friends, might not have any money, might not have found a CAREER (advertising).

I hate the "What Ifs" that plague my thoughts.

The littles.

2010-04-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

Here's to the little things. I'm trying to write more about them.

Last night I stopped at Home Depot for a few things, and ran into Alina and Anthony in the greenhouse, picking up some plants for their home. This is why I love LA. It feels like a small town so very often!

Then it was off to Tanner's coffee for some quality time with Ally and she penned a love-mail to her Vegas love interest.

Then to Silverlake for dinner with Janelle at Umami Burger - highly recommend. Great food. Poor wait service. But she and I talked and talked until I was so very sleepy and needed to come home. Unfortunately, due to my sleepiness, we did not get to watch the September Issue, which was the plan.

Today, the boy gave me a lobster keychain. I do love lobsters.

Photo: "Before we begin" by Christopher Jonassen, via Design is Mine.

24.

2010-04-12T14:06:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday, I will be entering my 25th year of life. By turning 24. That's how it works, right?

I will celebrate by trying to embrace the je ne sais quoi of Marilyn and taking the day off work to climb a sand hill in Manhattan Beach, find a lovely birthday outfit and of course, get the nails done. Then dinner at Mao's in Venice and obviously, Wednesday night grooving at Backstage with my loved ones.

I'm a pretty lucky girl, I'd say.

King Chris and the Groove Thang at Backstage

2010-04-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

Only the best band at the best divey bar ever.

Robots! Russia! Magic!

2010-04-08T17:02:00.000-07:00

Via the always awesome Kitsune Noir.

Cutesy.

2010-04-07T17:40:00.001-07:00

I Am A Girl - The Girls With Glasses Theme Song from The Girls With Glasses on Vimeo.

Via Black Eiffel.

What sort of diary should I like mine to be?

2010-03-26T15:02:00.001-07:00

What sort of diary should I like mine to be? Something loose-knit and yet not slovenly, so elastic that it will embrace anything, solemn, slight or beautiful, that comes into my mind. I should like it to resemble some deep old desk or capacious hold-all, in which one flings a mass of odds and ends without looking them through. I should like to come back, after a year or two, and find that the collection had sorted itself and refined itself and coalesced, as such deposits so mysteriously do, into a mould, transparent enough to reflect the light of our life, and yet steady, tranquil compounds with the aloofness of a work of art. The main requisite, I think, on reading my old volumes, is not to play the part of a censor, but to write as the mood comes or of anything whatever; since I was curious to find how I went for things put in haphazard, and found the significance to lie where I never saw it at the time.

V. Woolf

(via Even*Cleveland)

I love you.

2010-03-21T21:28:00.000-07:00

Currently listening to: 81 Words

Promises, promises

2010-03-16T15:40:00.001-07:00

I've been absolutely horrid at this blog thing lately. And at writing in general. I have much correspondence to attend to! (my favorite sentence to say) and I have neglected it. I'm promising myself I will have one short story written by the end of April. And - written on my typewriter! I finally ordered replacement ribbon, so I am ready to get down with that little machine. Below is what she looks like.

Other than much-neglected writing and laundry, this weekend's plans include a Saturday working at Homegirl Cafe, babysitting sweet P, and a trip to the American Apparel warehouse downtown for some hopefully discounted goods.

Cheers to your weekend being beautiful!

The Similarities Between Education and Faith: From GOOD Magazine

2010-02-18T16:12:00.000-08:00

Michael Roth, the president of Weslyan University, penned a poignant essay on The Huffington Post last Friday in response to a Washington Post Op-Ed on liberal condescension, written by University of Virginia political science professor and American Enterprise Institute scholar Gerard Alexander.

In the essay, he argues that education and faith should lead to a similar end: a realization of how little we understand and thus an openness to other points of view/belief systems. Condescension, as he sees it, is an unfortunate byproduct of both extensive learning and a full grounding in a particular faith.

Super Sunday

2010-02-07T19:19:00.000-08:00

It started with at 7am with our Garage Sale. We made $98!! It was like getting paid to play Words with Friends on our iPhones (Lana, Ally and Me) for 4 hours.

This gem of a gal (?) tried on our bikinis, thought about it for about 25 minutes, then peeled them off and threw them back in a box. Gah.

Then it was off to Orange County for a little Superbowl action with Ally's family. Crazy, crazy party with 40 adults and $4,000 placed in bets.

But where do you think we hung out? The kids' room, obviously.

Look at that face!
And the before/after of my "brilliant" plan for Hide and Go Seek.

All in all, a great day.

Hey Studmuffin

2010-02-03T13:25:00.001-08:00

Thanks for hanging out with me all day, Mr. Ira Glass.

Adults.

2010-02-02T13:44:00.001-08:00

This morning, Ally and I realized we could determine how long we've been enslaved by corporate culture by seeing the holes from our abandoned nose rings slowly fading away into oblivion ...

Mis-adventures in Professionalism: Round 2

2010-02-01T12:16:00.000-08:00

Telling my boss my email is bernadettematthews420@gmail.com

Mis-adventures in Professionalism

2010-01-28T11:45:00.001-08:00

And thus begins a new series of my mis-adventures in corporate culture.

#1. I told a coworker I wasn't feeling well the other day and she was very kindly concerned. Later in the day, I went by her desk, and she told me she was looking up Walk-In clinics. "Oh!" I said. "I'm totally fine, but that is so sweet of you!" And she looked up and said, "Actually, I just needed to get a prescription filled."

Gah.

#2. I made a really bad joke and a coworker said "That's so dry it hurts." And I said "That's what she said."

Silence.

Ughhhhh.

This is my reality.

2010-01-21T19:56:00.000-08:00

Bern: Do you like bear claws?
Ally: No.
Bern: Why did you write a song about bear claws then?
Ally: I needed a two-syllable donut.

Quoteable

2009-12-25T19:40:00.000-08:00

The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the "rat race" - the constant gnawing sense of having had and lost some infinite thing.

- Excerpt from David Foster Wallace's speech at Kenyon College in 2005; read the whole thing here: http://bit.ly/sUCD8

I feel like I owe everyone a big, fat explanation.

2009-12-07T19:33:00.000-08:00

It's been a period of extended transition for me, as Lana puts it.

I think that's a nice way of saying: "You keep getting and quitting jobs because you have no idea what you're doing with your life."

Let me refresh your memory: May - quit Causecast. Unemployed May - September. Started AmeriCorps in September. Quit AmeriCorps in October. Started working at Homegirl Cafe and Free People in November. Quit both in December.

Sigh.

I was beyond thrilled to start working at Homegirl Cafe, but since it was only part-time, I had to pick up another part-time job working retail at Free People in Manhattan Beach (in addition to babysitting!) in order to pay the bills. I was driving all over LA, spending a ton on gas, working crazy hours between all three, and only loving one - Homegirl. Two weeks ago, I was offered a position at Direct Partners, a cool marketing firm/ad agency (I keep telling myself it will be like Mad Men) as part of the 4-person team working on the Playstation account. It was a chance to actually use what I studied in college - graphic design, journalism, marketing - and gain experience at a pretty prestigious company.

So I took the job. (It wasn't that simple. It was at least a week of being completely depressed over "selling out" at 23.) Now, this meant quitting two jobs I had started only three weeks before. That was pretty rough. I mean, that Free People discount to Urban Outfitters and Anthropologie was pretty rad, but making little money + spending it all on clothes = disaster. Leaving Homegirl was a little more hard. I felt like I was really letting everyone down. But now, I can be refreshed enough to volunteer each Saturday (really!) and spend some evenings doing design work for them.

I'm excited about Direct Partners. I feel like I'm going to learn a ton and it's going to be harder than I thought, so it will nice to be intellectually challenged once again. So it's a new phase, again.

PS: I found this tidbit on Wikipedia today as I was researching Playstation:

"Soon after its release in Japan, the PS3 was released in North America on November 17, 2006. Reports of violence surrounding the release of the PS3 include a customer shot, campers robbed at gunpoint, customers shot in a drive-by shooting with BB guns, and 60 campers fighting over 10 systems."

Dang.

Interviews gone bad.

2009-11-24T18:06:00.000-08:00

So I had this interview today. It was going well.

until ....

I had printed out my resume at home and one of the guys was flipping through it and all of a sudden goes "What is ... this?"

He turns one page of my resume over.

And I see, in 72 point font, in bright blue:

THIS IS A BIG FUCKING TEST.

Because, Ally had been testing my printer to make sure it was working. Little did I know, she is suddenly into saving the planet and recycling said test sheets.

thanxx ally.

Morning Inspiration.

2009-10-29T12:07:00.000-07:00

Jo liked being rained on when she was bathing in the sea, and she liked apples in autumn, with cinammon.
Jo didn't like detergent ads in TV and and people who paused for laughter after a funny remark.
Jo enjoyed staying at home on the first day of sales, and drying her hair with a plush towel.
Jo didn't approve of little old ladies sneaking through queues, neither did she approve of people who didn't tip her when she served coffee with a big smile.

She just had this feeling. It was more than a feeling, it was a sense of certainety. She knew today was going to be one of the best days of her life. She could smell the spring, the sun felt insistent from the other side of the window. She looked around her once more, before stepping outside. Swelling with happiness, she played Rodrigo and Gabriela louder on the iPod. She was almost bouncing down the street. Whatever was about to happen, she didn't know. But she knew it was good. She loved the world, and the world loved her.

"Jo" and "Stella" digital prints from Nosideup (found via Darling Dexter).

For those who don't know:

2009-10-26T19:23:00.000-07:00

I quit.

It just turned into not at all what I thought it would be ... Seriously it's been 3 weeks of me sitting in a back office alone. I've been yelled at when I hang out with the kids at the tutoring center, since my job "is NOT direct service." I have nothing to do - since I am the third year VISTA, they basically told me - "your job is to make sure the place doesn't burn down." No new projects, nothing. And it's a government office, not a nonprofit, so it's super frustrating with no funding (CA is screwed) and very limited resources. It honestly felt wrong from Day 1. Sometime you just know, I guess.

Hopefully I will be able to go back once a week to volunteer - I already miss the kiddos.

On farmers Markets and poor people.

2009-10-20T10:11:00.000-07:00

A certain someone I am Facebook-acquainted with has a habit of always posting very, VERY pro-vegetarian things as her status updates. Cool. Most of my friends are veggies. I didn't eat red meat for 6 years and was a full-blown vegetarian for a year or two, on and off. I shop with canvas bags at the grocery (sometimes). I managed a freaking farmers market for a year. I get it.

This morning, this 'certain someone' (CS) posted the following:

just a thought: "We eliminate food stamps and promote farmers' market stamps, allowing access to fresh, healthy foods to those who need it most, and pushing more customers towards local farmers" - Michael Pollan

Ok. CS lives a very hipster, bourgeois, vegetarian life in Silverlake. CS eats at trendy vegan restaurants.

CS hasn't stood in line for food stamps at the LA County Department of Social Services in the rain, in the heart of South Central. CS didn't see the teen moms waiting in line IN THE RAIN, holding babies wrapped in fleece Winnie-the-Pooh blankets, staring blankly ahead. These moms would, I'm sure, love to gets their babies the organic, expensive soy-protein-powder made from the bark of a rare tree in the Amazon, selling for too much money in Whole Foods, or even just stop at the local farmers market to get some fresh produce. But guess what. There aren't farmers markets in the ghetto. Guess what, CS? No one picks up recycling in the ghetto either. GASP! They have better things to do, like making sure their kids don't join a gang, or even less likely, actually graduate from high school.

While I would LOVE if all farmers market started accepting EBT payments - which many have - how are you going to get the residents of this community out to the beach towns of Santa Monica, where farmers markets have streets shut down 3 days each week? Most of the kids here have never been to the beach, 10 miles away, or have gone only a few times. I'd love a bus of my kids to pull up to the Saturday SM farmers market, to mix along bouquets of dried lavender and seriously overpriced omelettes.

In the short time I've been here, we've tried planting a community garden. 1. There's no appropriate drainage or watering systems in the projects. 2. Let's talk environmental justice - the planes that fly low over Inglewood, South Central and Watts are dumping harmful emissions into this community. "Inglewood Mayor Roosevelt Dorn has lobbied hard for a sweeping review of the health of residents, many of whom suspect that emissions from aircraft and motorists en route to the airport are responsible for a variety of medical problems in the city." The soil's messed up from these emissions. Not much of anything will be growing here soon.

Ok. There's my rant, directly mainly at CS. I love the bourgy farmers markets and I'll probably go to one this weekend. (Enter sweeping generalization here:) I'm just tired of rich people trying to cure the world with their green propaganda.

The Ear Piercing Saga

2009-10-19T21:14:00.000-07:00

Step #1 on all websites that explain how to pierce your ears at home:

Piercing your ear should be used as a last resort. Home piercing is difficult to do properly and you would be better off seeking the aid of a professional. Please think about your choice carefully before you proceed.

Fuck that shit.

"Like ... what if this goes bad?"

"Is it in?"

Paging Dr. Laura

Hello America.

2009-10-14T12:22:00.000-07:00

Featuring Malia & Arneisha.

When I'm bored, I make the kiddos take pictures with me.

2009-10-13T15:08:00.000-07:00

Today's subject: Malia.

Falling In Love With God

2009-10-07T10:46:00.000-07:00

Nothing is more practical than finding God,
that is, than falling in love
in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination,
will affect everything.
It will decide what will get you
out of bed in the morning,
what you will do with your evenings,
how you will spend your weekends
what you read, who you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you
with joy and gratitude.
Fall in love, stay in love,
and it will decide everything.

- Pedro Arrupe, SJ

Progress?

2009-10-06T16:29:00.000-07:00

The kids think I'm weird because I listen to the Velvet Underground all day. But I have tattoos so that kicks my cool quotient up a notch.

I was invited to play a game of "Ninja" today. We chopped at each other and make really offensive Asian noises.

I guess that's making progress.

First Day...

2009-10-05T19:17:00.000-07:00

of heat in my car on the way to work

of sleeping in a sweatshirt and wearing fuzzy boots around the house to keep warm

of making coffee after work to be productive for a few more hours.

(Image via ffffound)

Quoteable.

2009-10-05T15:38:00.001-07:00

"We need your service, right now, at this moment in history. I'm not going to tell you what your role should be; that's for you to discover. But I'm asking you to stand up and play your part. I'm asking you to help change history's course."

President Barack Obama, April 21, 2009
Edward M. Kennedy Serve America Act signing ceremony

Loving this.

2009-09-30T11:03:00.000-07:00

Graffiti animation of an entire building!

(via Shifty Rhythms)

Freaking out, a little.

2009-09-30T09:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I attended “Defensive Driving” to learn how to drive an LA County van. It was great, mainly because of Buzz. This is Buzz, our instructor:

and the schoolhouse rock-ish video we watched:

This is me, anxiously waiting to take my driver’s test: (Note: these “flip-flops” and my jeans would later stop me from entering the County offices – “You’re not up to our dress code,” an unhappy looking but well-dressed woman told me.)

Here is where the freaking out comes in: I met another Vista working at another site of the same organization as me. She confirmed a fear I had been harboring since Day 1 – literally, the first day I came in a month ago, not yesterday – that our job was especially “chill,” with few responsibilities, lots of down time and freedom to Facebook while at work. I immediately got worried. I don’t want to spend a year bored, searching for things to do! (Note: organizations apply to get a 3-year term with AmeriCorps*VISTA – meaning, they get one volunteer per year, for three years, to build specific capacities for their program. I am the third and last Vista at this site – not planning anything new, just “maintaining” their program.) So, in typical Bern fashion, I immediately started checking my other options and possible ways out (fear of committment, anyone?).

I called and spoke with the State Center of CNCS (Center for National Community Service, they run AmeriCorps) just to get some basic questions answered – who do I talk to about this? what are my options if this is not the right placement for me? I found out that there were a few other sites looking for Vistas – and most notably, there was a women’s shelter looking for their first of three Vistas – to do marketing, communications, design, resource development, etc. It sounded amazing! But they are still waiting on getting approval and might not be up and running until Nov. 1 at the earliest. But I immediately got some deep-seated "service envy" - that site is so much better! why can't I work there? I'm more interested in studying these issues!

Naturally, I called Ally, got the typical tough love advice, then called my dad to get sympathy, since Ally doesn't let me complain.

But what struck me most was talking with Miss T, my one and only comrade at this site. She told me all the frustrating aspects of this site that should have pushed me further away – our site gets the lowest amount of funding out of all 4 public housing sites in Los Angeles – why? Because the poor black kids here are shooting each other up and no one wants to invest in them. Seriously. The mayors in the other districts (that still face the issues that come with low-income minorities living in public housing) do a lot of work with their communities – and therefore always make sure they have tons of funding and volunteers. Us? We’re lucky to get 12-15 kids a day into our tutoring center. We’re lucky to get 2 volunteers a week to come tutor. Our employment specialist was laid off a few weeks ago – and now the adults who live in public housing are having a hard time getting motivated to find jobs ... how are people supposed to get out of assisted housing and get jobs if these specialists aren't there to help them?

Crap. Now I'm really confused. I do like my site, I am already starting to fall for our kids there, and I can't imagine bailing to work at a "better" site - how would I explain that to them? ("These other people have cooler issues than you guys! Don't you understand?")

Day 2: First freakout, first struggle of conscience. God, I can't even imagine what day 105 is going to bring.

Last day of orientation: I'm official.

2009-09-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

Day 4: 9/25/09

How AmeriCorps found 400 individuals crazy enough to profess an ultra-patriotic oath, swearing themselves to a year of service and a year of poverty, I’ll never know. Buncha hippies.

Here's the sea of luggage after we all checked out of our rooms but were not allowed to leave for 5 more hours:

And here are some shots of the hotel:

And this is the shadow of my former self in the taxi back to LAX: (bahahah)

Today is catchup day: e-mails, freelance design, and canceling anything excessive that costs me money for the next year (i.e. health insurance). But not Netflix.

I got my first work e-mail, which tells me, essentially: "Get ready because on Tuesday we are planning the curriculum for the tutoring program for the whole year and you are facilitating." AGH! Stoked :)

Quoteable.

2009-09-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

"I can’t think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can’t talk to, or worse, someone I can’t be silent with."

“The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society.” Read it. Immediately.

Orientation, Day 3

2009-09-24T17:52:00.000-07:00

Day 3: 9/24/09

Beatrice snores.

Other than that, it was a pretty ok day. Boring by the past 2 days’ standards, actually. Lots of talk about company culture and conflict resolution-type situations. We did go in-depth with our VADs – VISTA Assignment Description – which tells us exactly what we’ll be doing at our specific site over the next year. My biggest duty will be to develop a sustainable volunteer program at the housing site, consisting of 350 total volunteers – students, resident and community members. Obviously there will be some event planning and reporting, but recruiting a stable volunteer force will be my biggest challenge.

I got to meet some more cool people today, and had some great conversations. One young man from Gambia sneak attacked me as I was fiddling with my phone on a break. “I like to mess with people who look ‘too into’ what they’re doing,” he said. Great, I thought. So I acquiesced and asked him the normal getting-to-know-you type questions. After which he said, “You smell great” and “What are you doing tonight?” At which point I found it necessary to excuse myself down to the lobby to attend to some very pressing issues.

I am now in my usual place on the couch with the outlet closest to the bar. Typical. Slowly sending off wedding photos and wasting time online. A few new friends have gone to the mall (the mall?!) but I declined – I’ve heard pretty negative things from those who’ve ventured the 20 miles to downtown Dallas – not worth the time/energy, they say. I’m really not being anti-social, I’m just so mingled-out.

Here are two things I’m missing about LA right about now:

Orientation, Day 2

2009-09-24T14:10:00.000-07:00

Day 2: 9/23/09

Big day! First day of training. Up at 730 for breakfast, “class” started at 830. We broke into groups by region - I have a great leader named Bob who is the perfect mix of funny/serious/knowledgeable. He’s been a social worker for 25 years, so I’m excited to talk with him about grad school. We have about 25 people in our class – all from the West coast (There’s about 400 VISTAs here in total, 8,000 in total for the country!). Today was a great big overview of VISTA – starting with the mission (VISTA’s, our organization’s mission, and our own personal mission), then many different sessions on different perspectives on Poverty. And of course … icebreakers and networking ☺

Some interesting facts from today: As VISTAs, we are “capacity-builders.” We are not there to do direct service, or administrative duties. We are there to create/implement programs that can be sustainable for the organization. We serve behind the scenes. We also talked about whether we believe poverty can be eradicated – one VISTA noted, “Poverty is not a natural system, therefore, it can be eliminated.” I’m still doubtful.

So, we’re not officially VISTAs yet. They keep calling us “potentials,” because on Friday we have to go ahead and decide whether this is the right program for us. If it is, we get “sworn into office” after saying a (crazy patriotic) oath. At first, the option of “I can still get out of this?!” appealed to me … but that feeling has since gone away, I am glad to report.

We finished at 430, and I did some photo editing from the wedding until dinner, ate quickly then did 3 more hours of editing in the lobby! I then ransacked the hotel gift shop for quirky souvenirs. Get ready, friends and roommates.

It is now 1100, I have showered and watched some Food Network, and I will soon turn the lights off in hopes of my roommate not having to acknowledge me when she comes in. (I still don’t know her name, although from this point on, I will refer to her as Beatrice.)

AmeriCorps*VISTA Orientation, Day 1

2009-09-23T16:08:00.000-07:00

Day 1: 9/22/09

Left LA at 720am, arrived in Dallas at noon.

Got onto the chartered AmeriCorps bus to find awkward nerdy kid trying really really really hard to be loud and outgoing. Sat next to a VISTA who was my age with two kids, she lives in Visalia and this is her first job. She was a great person and it made me happy to be in service in an organization with the likes of her – all of us coming from very different backgrounds, etc.

My roommate has implemented a towel usage system. When she first mentioned this, I giggled, thinking it impossible. But she shot me a nasty look and dragged me to the bathroom, where the hand towel I used to wash my face was folded on the countertop. “Like, what does this mean?” she prodded, and proceeded to explain where we should place our individual towels when they are clean/dirty/used but still useable.

Headed down to dinner, sat at a table with great girls, watched a pre-PSO (Pre-Service Orientation) video that made me forget all my woes I expressed to Ally this morning about regret and “grass is always greener” type feelings. On the video, quotes like “Poverty cannot be allowed in a nation of this wealth,” “I actually feel like I am living in America for the first time in my life,” and “It’s about capacity-building.” Made me stoked.

Befriended Meaghan and Sara at dinner – both serving in Nevada – and had margaritas in the lobby with Meaghan (19 year-old Samoan girl) and laughed over silly, silly stuff. Retired to bed to find said roommate asking me what time I would wake up for 7am breakfast. Apparently, responding “7am” was not cool.

Excited to learn more.

Awakening.

2009-09-11T12:55:00.000-07:00

In those days,
we finally chose
to walk like giants
& hold the world
in arms grown strong with love
& there may be many things we forget
in the days to come,
but this will not be one of them.

(From StoryPeople - they supply you with a short story every day, right to your inbox.)

I made it to Germany! With a quick layover in Hell. No really - the fiery, burny place.

2009-09-08T00:05:00.000-07:00

All I wanted to do on my first international flight was to sit back with my inflatable neck rest, make a nice cocktail of sleeping pills and $6 wine and read Cosmo ("Bad Girl Sex" edition) until we landed in Frankfurt. Cody made sure this would not be the case.

He sat right down next to me, a decent looking Texan boy of 24, and asked "How long have you been a Christian?" Dangit. He must have seen my tattoo. I proceeded to explain the raised Catholic, explored non-denominational thing, and then he launched into a diatribe of evangelical missionary Christian-ese, which, in order to avoid a painful 13 hour flight, I politely nodded at. I explained my current position, coming from a social work perspective and seeing communities where "accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior" might not necessarily cure gang warfare. This is when he proceeded to tell me that I wouldn't go to Heaven.

"Do you want me to explain why?"

"Not really." And I opened my computer and started to work on some photo editing. At which point he got up and handed out the following brochures to the entire plane:

Now, my opinions on the Christian missionary thing are not the most positive at this point - but I can respect a person doing what he believes in. But hand me a brochure that begins "The world will not soon forget the images of George W. Bush standing atop the wreckage of the Twin Towers ... what a wonderful blessing, this freedom we enjoy, bought with the price of someone's BLOOD."

Oh helllllllll no.

I'm not down with that red, white and blue bullshit - linked up with Christianity?! No. Not down.

Ugh. Cody spent the rest of the flight fasting - and making a clear point of why he was doing so to each stewardess who offered him food/drink - as well as glaring at any sex scene on the movies I watched. I prayed for him - that he would carry on the true message of Jesus, and not some convuluted evangelical propoganda. I'm sure he prayed for my soul too - but in an entirely different way.

A classic, re-recorded.

2009-09-02T14:54:00.001-07:00

Ally and Marian sing Shaggy's "Wasn't Me." With a special guest appearance by yours truly.

Recently.

2009-09-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

The largest bag of tea ever, at Borders.

Trying on stripper heels. Complete with zip-up back.

The strong, independent women who made my apartment move possible.

Isaac, who invites himself in when the front door is open to play with our loofahs.

"Storytelling slam." This unflattering picture of the host makes up for her terrible jokes.

Locker Rooms & Childhood Trauma

2009-08-26T15:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first time I've ever changed openly/unabashedly in a locker room.

1996: I was the first girl in my elementary school class to start wearing a bra - naturally, being different was awful, so I would change in the bathroom stall instead of out in the open with the other girls before gym so they wouldn't see my shame. I was a shy kid anyway, add in being a busty 4th grader and you've got a problem. I also remember being visibly aware of the size of my thighs in 4th grade. Thanks America, for my girlhood lack of self-confidence.

Then, in the 6th grade ... came Chantal K. Because I changed in the stall before gym, she started a rumor that I didn't wear underwear. I can't even begin to tell you how traumatic this was. (Not to mention nonsensical, but that is only something I see now.) I can't even remember what I did to remedy the problem (it must have been blocked from my memory) but somehow I survived middle school with Chantal K. My imagination takes solace in the fact that she's fat now.

High school: even while playing field hockey, I changed in private and didn't dare flaunt my body around the other 'slim and trim all-girls school athlete' types. College: I never necessarily dropped trou confidently in front of my roommates, but I began to get used to the idea of sharing bathrooms - thanks to Ally, Pais and Lana chasing me out of the public restroom down the hall from our room where I went why I was feeling shy.

Maybe it all changed last summer when I went to Hawaii with my best friends and literally ran around in a bikini for 8 days without a care in the world. Since then, I've been tons more comfy in my own skin. But I still wasn't ready to bear all to my peers at the gym.

Fast forward to yesterday. I left the LMU library and brought a change of clothes to the gym. For some reason, I didn't head to the stalls to change out of my dress. I set up camp in the middle of the locker room and did the damn thing. It was liberating.

What does this mean in the grand scheme of life? Absolutely. Fucking. Nothing. But it's a good story, eh?

Sucks.

2009-08-25T12:10:00.000-07:00

My grandma died today. It's kinda hard to study :(

I didn't know her (physically) - she lived in Poland my whole life and I only met her once when I was a baby. But my mom diligently sent her money my whole life, talked to her on the phone several times a week, and constantly talked to me about her. I called her Babcia, Polish for grandma. I knew a couple phrases in Polish and would embarrassingly say them to her on the phone when forced to by my mom.

What I did know is that she was a woman of extraordinary faith - a woman who saw her husband and two sons die before her and still have strong faith that God was watching out over her family. Every time I've talked on the phone with my mom in Michigan, she always mentions that "Babcia is praying for you" - whether it be for a job, for my grades, for a husband (!) or for general good favor, my mom told Babcia everything about me.

I just feel awful that I can't be there for my mom, who is now "the only one left" of her immediate family. But my dad is out of work for her, and I know he will be there to comfort her in the coming time.

It just sucks.

When depositing $7.50 into your bank account doesn't put your balance over single-digits...

2009-08-16T21:41:00.000-07:00

... just saying.

Shameless - Songs with my name in them

2009-08-02T17:42:00.000-07:00

I've heard the Four Tops and Paul Simon songs - but I just discovered these.

Eric Hutchinson

The Kinks

It's pretty obvious I'm an inspiration to millions.

Three things I'm scared of at the moment

2009-07-26T18:15:00.000-07:00

1. Becoming "better than you" - I already feel a small twinge of this sentiment when I explain what I am doing this next year. "What do you do?" "Oh, I'm spending this next year volunteering in South LA in low-income housing." Appreciative murmurs commence.

2. Becoming downtrodden by what I see. (Listen to this song)

3. Not becoming downtrodden by what I see, i.e. working mainly in the office and not getting to know the names/faces/stories of the community.

And it is decided.

2009-07-25T11:01:00.000-07:00

Heavens to Betsy, yesterday was the perfect day of unemployment. Gym, beach, Chipotle, watched Mad Men, nap, three beers and a night on the town with Charlie. Well, I better live it up while I can ... because it's all going to be over soon. (Note my greatest achievement of the past three months: my epic tan lines from time at the beach).

That's right, I officially have a purpose in life after three months of being a drain on society. For the next year, I will be a volunteer with Americorps VISTA, working in South LA with the LA County Community Development Commission. There's still SO much I need to learn, but essentially, I will be working with the residents of low-income housing to better assess their needs - say the seniors need a better food program or want to start a gardening club. I will also be in charge of all the volunteers that help with the programs, so I will be visiting colleges like UCLA, USC and LMU pretty frequently to make presentations and get student volunteers.

And, a really exciting part of all this is that I will be living at Ascension Catholic Church and School (right near the 105/110 interchange) in an old convent (!) that was renovated to house 11 volunteers from different programs. So I will be living in an undoubtedly amazing community.

I'm really excited about this next year. For one, it will be a great experience before graduate school (which I honestly get more excited for each time I think about) and will help direct me with exactly what I want to pursue when getting my MSW. I'm sure it's going to be a challenging year - emotionally, mentally, fiscally (living in LA on about $500/month!). But I'm totally excited :)

Virtual pound.

2009-07-21T16:05:00.000-07:00

How marvelous does this look??!

2009-07-18T19:19:00.001-07:00

Thoughts on 2.5 months of Unemployment.

2009-07-13T15:30:00.000-07:00

Mind you, I'm writing this immediately after a nap - thoughts may be hazy. By the way, naps are one of the perks of Unemployment.

I have been unemployed for 53 days. This is the longest period of time I've "done nothing" in my life. Since I was 16, I've worked in addition to school. In college, I usually had three jobs at a time, plus 5 classes per semester. I was raised to be a workhorse and it suited me well. I started working the week after I graduated college, and stayed there for a year. Until I realized I was not happy. And I knew I needed to be somewhere else (read: graduate school, working for a nonprofit).

At bars, I've often planned on getting 'I graduated college, quit my job, have no money and no plan' drunk. (It never happened. I'm too cheap to get that kind of drunk). When my roommate with two jobs would come home at the end of the day and eye me suspiciously, I would retort, "Yes, Adam. It's a 'sit in bed, drink wine and be bra-less' kind of day." Yes, I have gotten a lot of time in at the beach. Yes, I generally sit at Tanner's coffeeshop for 3-4 hours, researching jobs, graduate school programs, and studying for the GRE. I've gone on roadtrips in the middle of the week, spent hours and hours with my best friends, watched neighborhood little league games, read a bunch of books and watched a lot of Oprah.

I guess you could say it's been a vacation, but does a normal vacation consist of constantly worrying about money, GRE scores, health insurance, classes to take to get into grad school, pleasing my parents, and the ever-elusive "future"?

It hasn't been that much of a vacation. I just feel like I'm in a really, really long weekend, dreading that Monday I know is coming - and for me, "Monday" means getting shit figured out.

Monday, where are you?

For some reason

2009-07-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

I thought it was necessary to share with you everything that is inside my purse at this moment. Enjoy.

iPhoney highlights from the Northwest

2009-07-09T13:42:00.000-07:00

Pug love before departure.

Meow.

Breakfast with Thomas at the Flavour Spot in Portland.

Really bizarre "Stonehenge" outside of Hood River.

4th Parade in Hood River.

Super creepy tree with a missing swing ... dun dun dun...

Great.

Summer means

2009-07-02T16:21:00.000-07:00

Summer means sticky hands from fresh cherries are okay to the previously germophobic.

Summer means holding babies, rolling around with dogs on front lawns, and pretty dresses spoiled with the results from the aforementioned activites.

Summer means bare dirty feet and ripe tomatoes.

Summer means local brewed beer and long night walks.

Just some thoughts from my summer vacation in the Northwest.

Photo by Elisabeth Dunker

I'm pretty stoked on the next few weeks.

2009-06-22T12:01:00.000-07:00

Wednesday Ally and I are headed to Palm Springs for some quality time in the scorching desert heat with her family. Hopefully we will re-visit the dinosaurs Lana and I saw there years ago:

Then my dear Beth comes back to LA on Friday to visit.
And we're going to love life and probably hit up the giant rave downtown and visit Catie B. before she leaves for Baltimore for a very long time :/

Sunday Ally and I are going to take our friends' engagement pictures. Pretty excited for that and renting some great lenses to try some new techniques for them.

AND THEN ... next Tuesday I fly to Seattle to see my aunt/cousin and then head down to Portland to visit my dear friends Jenny and Kara before they both leave Portland. Hood River, OR for Fourth of July and then head back up to Seattle to hopefully visit some friends (Jenn Lindsay, I'm looking at you).

Oh, and then, I'll just work on figuring out where the next year is going to take me. I'm starting to look at some time in Europe .... ahhh!

And I'm taking a class at SMC, Political Philosophy, so I'm excited to be learning and not a total waste to society.

Oh, and I just spilled coffee into my laptop's speakers. So there's that.

Mother, may I?

2009-06-19T13:05:00.000-07:00

Mama Matthews will be visiting Los Angeles this weekend!

I'm pretty stoked, she's only been to LA twice in my five years here, and I've got some fun stuff planned for us this weekend - like look for the whale in the Marina, apparently a humpback snuck in there!

She is always the one to make sure I don't do something dumb, like fall into a Koi pond while attempting to take a picture of myself with said Koi.

Shoutout to my Pops

2009-06-15T21:41:00.001-07:00

Have I mentioned my dad is an AUTHOR??

You should buy his book. It's dedicated to yours truly :)

Keep up with all his maverick boat building ways here: http://matthewsmodelmarine.wordpress.com/

A quiet Monday.

2009-06-15T20:55:00.000-07:00

So today, I had some time on my hands (hm, odd, as I am unemployed) and in between apartment hunting and bouts of reading, I made my way to Sacred Heart Chapel to bask in some alone time. I figured, hey, why not go sit at the old Catholic church in silence and get some of the many, many questions that have been floating around my head down on paper, so I could start (attempting to) answer them. So I went there with the intention of writing, silently. Well, when I walked up to the doors, I heard loud organ music. Rats, I thought. There's probably a mass going on. But I poked my head in, and saw that the church was empty save for a woman practicing on the organ. Correction: BANGING IT OUT on the organ. It was awesome. I sat in the back and scribbled away and hoped no one noticed me.

Next stop: Tanners, where I read part of "The God of Small Things" and then headed to Borders where I sat and read Vonnegut's "A Man Without A Country." I'd been meaning to read it for a while, and since it was only 150 pages, I sat and read it there. I felt a little guilty about essentially stealing intellectual property from Borders. But I blame it on the economy.

Here's one of my favorite excerpts today from Vonnegut:

"If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake."

I hope the rest of your week is lovely,
xoxo Bern

Katie's going to be on a Japanese game show.

2009-05-25T22:04:00.000-07:00

All I can hope for her is that she ends up doing something like the following:

Hey Ally

2009-05-06T18:05:00.000-07:00

I see your Hobo Lunch and I raise you one Hobo Dinner:

- 1 cup cous cous
- 3 packets of Del Taco mild sauce
- 1/2 can frijoles negritos
- tofu cubes, sauteed with: garlic powder, lemon pepper, olive oil

+ 1 bowl of cinnamon pecan special K

A pretty wonderful weekend.

2009-04-26T21:37:00.000-07:00

Ally and I went to watch the planes fly in at LAX one night. This was the closest we came to a legitimate picture.

After a rough day, we drank a bottle of wine and decided to paint over our boring house number on the curb. I also decided to water the lawn while drinking a beer. Oh, Fridays at 3pm.

Goodwill shopping in Santa Monica

Some epic kite flying in Santa Monica on Sunday Funday.

Lover boy.

We stumbled upon a pet adoption in Westchester Park ... and Pet Glamour Shots.

And oh, yes: Thanks to my mom, this is my current obsession.

The "I Quit My Job" Shoes

2009-04-23T19:46:00.000-07:00

...because I will not be buying anything new/nice for a long time (unemployment!).

What do you look for in a boyfriend?

2009-04-21T17:36:00.000-07:00

My 9 year-old friend Grace told me, when asked what sort of boyfriend she would want, the following qualifications:

- He has to be nice.
- He has to want to help other people.
- He has to be funny.

The girl's got it down, people. No "He has to be a good skateboarder" or "He has to look like Zac Effron." What a wise little person.

Image "Bubble Girl" by Julie Blackmon

What's that inside your tin cans? Oh yes. Injustice.

2009-04-09T16:34:00.001-07:00

Check it out.

Because ... who doesn't like aardvarks?

2009-04-09T14:32:00.000-07:00

It all started with this stupid swimsuit.

2009-04-08T21:15:00.000-07:00

So I had put on a little ... "Winter weight," and since I had planned an early birthday Beach Bonfire, I figured, hey, let's try a one-piece instead of the usual bikini. More coverage = the easy way out of a workout. So I headed over to dear old American Apparel to purchase the above swimsuit that I had seen in rather salacious advertisements, but I thought I would class it up (aka not leave unzipped down to my belly button.)

I got the swimsuit in my size, paid and headed out the door. No need to try it on until I got home. When I got home, I tried on the swimsuit, zipped it up - it fit perfectly! Then, in front of my mirror, I turned a couple inches to the right. And "zzzzppppp" the zipper unzipped down to my belly. So, yes, my hoohas were exposed, as the girl's in the picture. Kinda disturbed, I zipped it back up and shifted in front of the mirror again. "Zzzzpppp" and down it went. Like it had been engineered with slut factor in mind - the zipper felt destined to rest not at the top, but at the base of my belly! Frustrated, I grabbed a saftey pin and pinned the zipper at the top. "Zzzzzzppp" and the top held in place while the rest of the zipper wound its way down, leaving a gaping hole.

This is ridiculous, I thought, and tried a few more desperate measures. But no, this striped one-piece did not want to fulfill it's (originally intended) purpose of covering me up. Needless to say, I left it at home and wore a regular old two-piece to the beach. Winter weight, be damned.

Ok, so this should have been some sort of omen. The day I planned at the beach was supposed to be effortlessly relaxing, but it turned out to be quite stressful:

- Waiting until the last minutes and realizing, "Oh, I have a lot of shit to buy!" Snacks, beer, ice, a cooler, bbq needs, firewood, frisbees, kites, etc. But luckily, Paisley and Jenny helped me with a last minute run to Target and Ralph's.
- So I got to the beach an hour after I said everything would start. My old boss (and current friend) Joanne had been waiting there for an hour! I felt awful.
- Then my current boss came with her dog, and since we were right next to the Lifeguard tower, the lifeguard immediately let us know the dogs were not allowed. Then ANOTHER friend brought his dog.
- And then the lifeguard came back and told us kite flying was not allowed.
- Then my phone died so no one could get a hold of me.
- Did I mention I backed into a car in the parking lot before I even got to the beach?! (No damage, though.)

Sigh. It was just more of a stressful day than I had hoped. Oh, you may be wondering about the swimsuit. Well the next day, I took it back to return it. I was told AA did not take "Intimates" back. No refund, no store credit. SO I'm out $40 on a stupid swimsuit that bares my chest.

I blame you for my fail whale of a birthday, American Apparel. (shakes fist)

I'm not entirely sure what this means...

2009-04-08T16:01:00.000-07:00

But I drew it today.

Adventures on the Santa Monica 3

2009-04-08T14:41:00.000-07:00

This morning, a girl on the bus was opera-style singing "This is delicious, how fictitious" over and over. Meanwhile, a woman had a cat on her shoulder. And I read a self-help book about fixing my soul.

We are broken.

2009-04-06T17:29:00.000-07:00

My friend Charlie recently brought up a pretty great comparison between LA and New York. I won't say it here as eloquently as he phrased it, but essentially:

New Yorkers are like, "Look at us. We're great! We're put-together! We're professional! We've got our shit on lock."

In LA, people admit, "We are broken. This is a city of broken people. There are terrible things here: gangs, drugs, violence, immigration issues, a ridiculous divide between the wealthy/powerful and the utterly poor. We are sad and we've been through shit and back again. But life is too great to not live it out. We're going to try, damnit. And maybe everything will not work out, but we've tried."

Charlie was mainly referring to the attitudes of the Christian communities in the two cities, but I see these attitudes reflected everywhere, everyday, in everyone.

This description makes me love LA a million times more than the million times I already loved it.

Yes, please.

2009-03-25T11:01:00.001-07:00

Sound Advice.

2009-03-20T11:12:00.000-07:00

Marian: oh bern
your prince will come, maybe after a few faux princes

Quoteable.

2009-03-17T18:26:00.000-07:00

via Design Crush

Change-Maker in Women's History: Dolores Huerta

2009-03-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

From DoSomething.org

When you hear about the movement for the rights of farm workers, the first mention is Cesar Chavez, but a woman, Dolores Huerta, was just as essential to the struggle as was Chavez.

Dolores has been deemed by many one of the most outspoken human rights activists alive. She got her start in public school teaching but left because, in her words, “I couldn’t stand seeing kids come to class hungry and needing shoes. I thought I could do more by organizing farm workers than by trying to teach their hungry children.”

She met Cesar through her community service work with Community Service Organization (CSO), for which Cesar served as president. They both realized the need to organize farm workers, and in 1962, after the CSO turned down Cesar’s request to organize farm workers, Cesar and Dolores resigned from the CSO and together formed the National Farm Workers Association ("NFWA"), the predecessor to the UFW (United Farm Workers), the nation's first successful and now the largest farm workers union currently active in 10 states.

Dolores’s fearless lobbying over the years has been instrumental in countless gains for immigrants and farm workers.

* In 1961 she succeeded in obtaining the citizenship requirements removed from pension and public assistance programs.
* In 1962, she was instrumental in the passage of legislation allowing voters the right to vote in Spanish, and the right of individuals to take the drivers license examination in their native language;
* In 1963, she helped secure Aid for Dependent Families ("AFDC") for the unemployed and underemployed, disability insurance for farm workers in the State of California, and unemployment benefits for farm workers.
* Under her direction, the 1973 east coast boycott of grapes, lettuce and Gallo wines resulted in the enactment of the Agricultural Labor Relations Act, the first law of its kind in the U.S., which granted farm workers the right to collectively organize and bargain for better wages and working conditions.
* In the late 70’s Dolores spearheaded legislation granting amnesty for farm workers that had lived, worked and paid taxes in the U.S. for many years but were unable to enjoy the privileges of citizenship. These efforts ultimately resulted in the Immigration Act of 1985 which allowed most illegal aliens who have resided in the U.S. continuously since at least January 1, 1982, to apply for legal status.

As an activist, Dolores was arrested twenty-four times for non-violent protests, received 73 honorary doctorates and been awarded the American Civil Liberties Union Liberty Awards and the Ellis Island Medal of Freedom Award, among many others. In 1998, she was one of Ms. Magazine’s “Women of the Year”, and Ladies Home Journal’s “100 Most Important Women of the 20th Century.”

Together with Cesar Chavez, she formed the National Farm Workers Service Center, Inc., a community based affordable house and Spanish language radio communications organization with five Spanish radio stations. The team also founded the:

* Robert F. Kennedy Medical Plan,
* Juan De La Cruz Farmer Worker Pension Fun, and
* Farm Workers Credit Union, the first medical and pension plan and credit union for farm workers.

Now in her 70’s, Huerta refuses to settle down and become an artifact. In 2002, she marched 165 grueling miles from Delano to Sacramento to demand that then California Governor Gray Davis sign a mandatory mediation bill for farm workers. When Huerta said she would start a hunger strike during the final days of the intense gubernatorial campaign, David did the right thing and passed the legislation.

For that kind of moral commitment and savvy, Dolores was awarded the $100,000 Puffin Prize by the Nation Institute, given annually to a social activist for a lifetime of sacrifice for a cause. When asked how to she planned to spend the money, she already had a plan. “We need an organizers institute to train more Dolores Huertas for the future.”

Blogger's block.

2009-03-10T22:09:00.000-07:00

I'm in the throes of a blogger's block.

Ugh.

I feel like I have a lot to say ... but I'm just not doing anything to say it.

Lame.

That's right, Leninade.

2009-02-26T15:06:00.000-08:00

During lunch at Famima today (I went there to commemorate the conglomeration of Paisley, Ally and Katie in Tokyo) I stumbled upon this little gem:

That's right, Leninade. Some key quotes from the bottle:
A Taste worth standing in line for!
Get Hammered and Sickled!
Drink Comrade, Drink! It's this or the Gulag!
A Party in Every bottle!
Surprisingly satisfying simple Soviet Soda

Oh, soda inventors, what marvel will you come up with next?!

A poem.

2009-02-25T15:37:00.000-08:00

A retired general said
"the beautiful thing about it"
discussing war.
We were making "progress"
in our war effort.
"The appropriate time to launch the bombers"
pierced the A section with artillery as
"awe" huddled in a corner
clutching its small chest.
Someone else repeated, "in harm's way,"
strangely popular lately,
and "weapons of mass destruction"
felt gravely confused about their identity.
"Friendly" gasped. Fierce and terminal.
It had never agreed to sit beside fire, never.

Naomi Shihab Nye

What Ally, Taylor and I did this weekend

2009-02-22T19:32:00.000-08:00

Lovely!!

2009-02-16T12:48:00.000-08:00

Coeur de Pirate || Comme des enfants from Dare To Care Records on Vimeo.

(via coco+kelley)

Valentine's?

2009-02-11T17:54:00.000-08:00

Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk — real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious.

Jack Kerouac, On the Road

(via Even Cleveland)

Oooooh!

2009-02-07T13:11:00.000-08:00

Good old Bill Gates

2009-01-12T10:08:00.001-08:00

"If you look at the Stock Market, business activity or budget deficits, things are dark. But if you consider our capacities and opportunities, our passion and our vision, the outlook is bright." - Bill Gates

Sin Fang Bous: Advent in Ives Garden

2009-01-03T10:12:00.001-08:00

Absolutely loving this song and music video.

via Katie

Happy 2009.

2009-01-02T09:56:00.000-08:00

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

Neil Gaiman

(via Maria)

Inspiration of late

2008-12-11T14:35:00.000-08:00

This "Soulful Christmas" playlist.

This quote, courtesy of my friend Tyler Price's Gchat away message:
"I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubble gum."

This video:

Robot Parade from Jared Foster on Vimeo.

Current tattoo craving

2008-12-04T10:19:00.000-08:00

I Met The Walrus.

2008-11-26T17:28:00.000-08:00

Thirty-nine years ago, a 14-year-old named Jerry Levitan managed to talk his way into John Lennon’s Toronto hotel room. Impressed by the kid’s chutzpah, Lennon obliged him with a five-minute chat that covered war, peace, and the newly arrived Bee Gees.

Last year, Levitan teamed up with filmmaker Josh Raskin to make “I Met the Walrus” — a charming animated film that turns Lennon’s thoughts into concrete images. The results are trippy but cogent, and no less interesting than what the Beatle had to say. Lennon himself would have loved it.

From Very Short List